Motherhood, Identity and Finding Balance: Lessons from Paloma Faith

Motherhood is often painted as a magical journey but the reality can be much more complex, challenging and rewarding in ways we rarely discuss openly. Singer-songwriter and author Paloma Faith, a multifaceted artist and mother of two, recently sat down with Fearne on the Happy Place Podcast to share her raw, unfiltered experiences of parenting, identity and the invisible emotional load women carry.

Breaking Down the "Feminist Dream"

Paloma opened up about the societal narrative that women can “have it all” - a thriving career, a happy family, and personal fulfillment - and why this ideal often feels unattainable. “We were sold the feminist dream, but the reality is you can’t have it all,” Paloma said. She spoke with conviction about how mothers are undervalued in our culture and how much silent, emotional labour they take on daily goes unrewarded.

This sentiment resonates with many women who juggle multiple roles, often sacrificing their own wellbeing to meet the needs of others. Paloma’s insights serve as a reminder to challenge outdated expectations and advocate for a fairer distribution of responsibilities within households.

The Emotional Load and Societal Judgment

Paloma’s reflections highlight the often-overlooked emotional toll of motherhood. From the pressure to create Pinterest-perfect childhoods to judgement over taking time for self-care, mothers are constantly under scrutiny. Paloma recalled a moment when her friend was judged for having her nails done shortly after giving birth. For her friend, this small act was a way to reconnect with her identity amid the chaos of new parenthood.

This anecdote underscores a crucial message: self-care is not selfish. It’s an essential part of showing up as your best self - for your kids, your partner but most importantly, for yourself.

Normalising Mental Health Struggles

Paloma spoke candidly about her personal battles with postnatal depression and psychosis after the birth of her first child. She described feeling detached from her body and overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts. With the help of a compassionate midwife and much-needed rest, she found her footing again, but her journey was far from linear.

Many mothers experience similar struggles but remain silent due to stigma or fear of judgement. In being so open about her experiences, Paloma is doing her bit to encourage others to seek help. Motherhood doesn’t come with a manual and it’s okay to feel lost, exhausted and imperfect.

Redefining Identity Beyond Motherhood

Paloma knows the importance of maintaining a sense of self outside of being a parent, believing that mothers can and should pursue their passions unapologetically.. “I didn’t lose my identity when I became a mum,” Paloma stated. Being a mother is just one facet of who Paloma is, not her entire identity. Reclaiming personal interests, nurturing friendships, and setting boundaries are all part of this process.

Co-Parenting and Rebuilding Relationships

As a single mother, Paloma’s path has also included navigating co-parenting with her former partner. Through therapy and open communication, they’ve developed a functional relationship rooted in mutual respect. Their approach prioritises the wellbeing of their children while fostering a supportive environment for both parents. “Our relationship now might be better than many marriages,” she shared.

“Our relationship now might be better than many marriages,”

Lessons for Employers and Partners

Paloma’s conversation also touched on how workplaces and partners can better support mothers. She called for an end to the patriarchal notion that financial contributions outweigh emotional labour. Employers can play a role by fostering flexible, family-friendly policies, while partners must step up to share the invisible workload of parenting.

Embracing Imperfection

At its core, Paloma’s message is one of radical honesty and self-compassion. Motherhood, like life, is messy and unpredictable. It’s filled with highs and lows, moments of joy and sheer exhaustion. But by embracing imperfection, sharing our struggles and advocating for systemic change, we can create a world that truly values and supports mothers.

As Paloma’s book *MILF: Motherhood, Identity, Love, and F*ery* illustrates, it’s time to rewrite the narrative around motherhood to one where women are celebrated for their resilience and individuality, not just their ability to “have it all.”