Parenting Insights from Kate Silverton: Unlocking Resilience and Emotional Growth
Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges and plenty of opportunities to learn. In a recent episode of Happy Place, journalist-turned-child-psychologist Kate Silverton joined Fearne Cotton to discuss groundbreaking insights from her book, There's Still No Such Thing as Naughty. Through the lens of neuroscience and her own clinical experience, Kate offers invaluable tools for parents navigating the complexities of childhood behavior, emotional regulation and resilience building.
What is Stress Contagion?
Stress contagion is a phenomenon observed in the animal kingdom and mirrored in human parenting. When one family member feels stressed it often triggers a chain reaction, escalating tension throughout the household. “If our children are stressed, it can trigger our stress, creating a feedback loop,” Kate explains.
Understanding this dynamic is crucial for parents. Once you recognise it, you can learn to regulate your own emotions, modeling calm and resilience for your children.
The Science of Emotional Regulation
A core theme in Kate’s approach is teaching emotional regulation - both for parents and children. She explains how the nervous system reacts to stress and what you can do about it in the moment. The key takeaway? Helping children identify and manage their emotions builds lifelong resilience.
Anger as a Valid Emotion
Anger often gets a bad rap in parenting, but Kate emphasised its importance as a valid and necessary emotion. “Anger tells us when a boundary has been crossed,” she said. Teaching children to express anger safely - ike through "pillow power" or assertive communication - fosters emotional intelligence and healthier relationships.
Kate introduced the "SAS Method" (Say, Acknowledge, Soothe), a practical tool for de-escalating meltdowns. This method empowers parents to:
1. Say what they see (“You’re really upset right now”).
2. Acknowledge the child’s feelings (“I understand this is hard for you”).
3. Soothe with compassion (“I’m here to help”).
Screen Time and Its Impact on Brain Development
One of the main issues that parents feel concerned about is screen time. Kate described how the research suggests that excessive screen use can hinder brain development and affect emotional wellbeing. While occasional screen use is inevitable, Kate urges parents to set boundaries and engage children in meaningful offline activities.
Apologising and Repairing Relationships
Kate shared the powerful concept of ‘rupture and repair,’ highlighting the importance of apologising to children when mistakes are made. “When we model accountability,” she explained, “we teach our kids to value authenticity and forgiveness.”
"When we model accountability, we teach our kids to value authenticity and forgiveness.”
For Kate, parenting isn’t about perfection but about connection, compassion and growth. Her evidence-based strategies provide a roadmap for anyone wanting to create a supportive environment where children can thrive emotionally and mentally.
